Learning To Not Let Past Pain Control Your Future Happiness

Most of us will have some painful memories from our past, including tragedies and experienced loss. However, for some, dealing with the hurt, grief and anger caused by events in the past can be a daily struggle, and may even be shaping the way they live and the way they interact with others.

Past pain and hurt can be mentally and physically exhausting, and while the individual may want to change the way they feel, they often don’t know where to begin.

If you’re stuck in a cycle of hurt and mental anguish caused by past pain, here are a few ways to begin taking control of your future happiness (which by the way, you’re very much entitled to):


  • Understanding that you are capable of letting go of past pain

Whether you believe it or not, you can learn how to work through the pain that a past event caused you, and once you have realized this and truly embraced it, you’ll undoubtedly feel hugely empowered. Not accepting this can be a preventative barrier when attempting to take hold of your life and lead yourself towards a future filled with happiness, and void of misery and regret.


  • “Positive Venting” is a powerful tool

There are ways to vent your anger, sadness or frustration in a positive manner, in a way that will help you to grow and overcome past pains. Simply raving about your grievances to anyone who will listen can make you feel worse, but… choose the right audience or the right method of communicating, and you may begin to feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

You may want to speak directly to the people that care the most about you, sharing with vulnerability, or you might want to pen your thoughts and feelings in a journal. However, whichever method you choose, it’s imperative that you share all of what you’re experiencing and trust that it’s okay to feel whatever you feel.


  • Don’t get stuck in blame

While there may be no doubt that you were wronged or hurt in the past, and you may even have been entirely blameless, it’s helpful to understand and accept that getting stuck in blame can allow your pain and anger to control everything that you do. If you are blaming someone, that’s understandable, but also work to get in touch with the feelings beneath the blame.


  • Keep Processing your feelings, and let forgiveness happen naturally whenever (of if ever) you’re ready

Those who caused you hurt in the past may be very deserving of your anger, frustration or sadness. Holding onto these feelings and refusing to process them, will not encourage or help you to move forward with your life. Instead, bring your empathy and kindness to yourself and to the root of your hurt, and treat yourself and your openness with your inner care. If a time comes when you want to forgive for your sake, allow forgiveness to lead you on a path to healing.


You are an individual, and who you are, is shaped by, not defined by, what happened to you in your past. Learning to heal past pain can be a difficult journey though, and never be ashamed to seek professional help. Sharing your difficulties with someone who is qualified to give appropriate and effective advice and guidance, may be a key first step in your journey towards future happiness.