Are you ever worried that you and your significant other argue too much? Do you often escalate a small disagreement into a huge fight where you scream and yell mean things that you wish you could take back? Every couple has arguments with their significant other, but just because it is common to fight with a loved one, doesn’t mean that you have to stay in a roller coaster pattern of negative behavior and frustration.
You are not alone if you want to see change in your relationship. Many couples seek out advice and need help to create a healthier relationship. Constant bickering and arguing can lead you to feeling emotionally drained. Maybe you and your partner have a difficult time understanding and communicating and you’ve both accepted the daily comments that upset each other.
There is no magic wand or potion, but you can decrease the amount of arguing between you and your partner and create a healthier relationship. I’m one of the many people who felt overwhelmed by the amount of arguing in my relationship and I reached a breaking point where I could no longer accept the daily fighting. Instead of hoping and waiting for resolution, I started to act on the changes I knew were possible for our relationship and began to see change in myself and my partner.
During an argument:
- Take a few deep breaths before you continue your conversation. When I become angry, I talk really fast and usually raise my voice. Without realizing, I start to lose my breath and it becomes more difficult to stay calm. Count to three as you inhale and exhale. Keep taking deep breaths until you have control over the tone and volume of your voice.
- Stop the name calling and swearing. Many people have a sharp tongue and say things they don’t mean when they argue with their partner. There are many hurtful words I wish I would have never said in the heat of the moment, even though I felt so “right” and knew they were “wrong.” Using hurtful words towards one another is ineffective.
- Focus on the conflict at hand. It’s easy to bring up the past, especially if it relates to the current argument of discussion, but this may only snowball into more conflict. Stay in the present moment and talk about the issue directly.
- Apologize and say sorry. It’s amazing how one little phrase can help you move on to a resolution. Look your partner in their eyes and say “I’m sorry.”
- Seeking out advice from family and close friends can also be helpful. I’m guilty to say it is oddly comforting to hear that other couples fight and have daily arguments with their significant other. But even when I have opened up to my circle of trust, I have left out details that I am embarrassed and ashamed by. I’m scared of being judged and labeled a bad person for all my hurtful actions.
- Get Caring Support from Someone Who Understands: With therapy, I have been able to be honest and vulnerable with professionals who offer support and guidance in a non judgmental atmosphere.
Once you realize that change is possible, you will crave to find a healthier balance and lessen the amount of arguing with your partner. Do not strive for perfection as there isn’t a single person on this earth who hasn’t argued with their significant others and loved ones, which is an unproven statement I would be willing to place a million dollar bet on. But change has been possible and you can begin to create a healthier relationship if you work on yourself as much as you work on your relationship together.