I’m not sure if you have ever heard of the Enneagram, but I am a type two with a wing one. Meaning, I’m the helper and I don’t do a fabulous job at being present for my own needs because I’m also a recovering perfectionist. I give and give and give until I am drained and frustrated. It sounds selfless and all, but it’s not.
Long story short, only recently have I been learning about the importance of facing my feelings and not running from them. I have spent my whole life being afraid of not feeling happy all the time. I have to have all my ducks in a row and be in control. These days I’m trying to let go.
A wise person once said that there is only one way out and that is through the situation. I have spent my life trying to find the route around it. Grieving my dad has shown me how important it is to drop everything and feel. No matter how hard or how scary.
The other day, my daughter was watching the movie The Lorax. A character called Once-ler decided to chop down a tree for his new business venture. The forest animals decided to have a ceremony to mourn the tree. The whole movie is colorful and so funny… Oh, and did I mention animated? I felt the need to cry at that moment… Why? I don’t know…
But instead of feeling embarrassed or shrugging off my feelings, I stopped and let myself tear up. That has happened multiple times alone this week. I have to remind myself every day to stop and listen in to my feelings. To be their friend, not their enemy. Being loving to myself unconditionally and supporting myself as I feel has been absolutely liberating.
Who would have thought that taking the time everyday to invest in your well-being would change your whole outlook on life? Not me. But it has. I feel as if my breaths are fresher and my heart is more alive. When my husband asks me what’s wrong (because I’m randomly tearing up), I simply respond, “I felt the need to release whatever feeling this is.” It sounds silly and quite frankly, over the top, but it has brought me peace that I want to share with you.
Next time a wave of emotion rushes over you, stop and be attentive to your heart. The emotion always passes. Just hang on a little while and you’ll see. See you through the other side.